I am one of those people who believes that light will follow darkness. That eventually the sun will rise. That the heavy nothingness will give way to little pinpricks of light that will open up the sky like a box being opened at Christmas, until the whole sky is gloriously lit by the golden sun as it rises from its slumber.
That is what I believe.
I have to.
To move forward.
To move beyond.
Today I found myself sitting in a courtroom listening to hard stories and all the pain and hurt from years in the past. When I first got there I noticed the clock had the wrong time. That’s annoying, but clocks can run slow or folks forget to set them back, so I didn’t give it a second thought. When there was a recess I looked up again, and I saw that the clock hadn’t moved it all. It wasn’t working. At. All.
I began to feel antsy. I looked up at that clock a couple of more times during the remainder of our time in the room, and it. still. wasn’t. moving.
Then I began to feel closed in. All of that pain, all of that hurt. All of that, and no time had passed?
I know that it had in actuality passed. I think part of what troubled me is that it was a clock that the only the judge could see easily, and I wondered how on earth she was managing not knowing the time…..
Why didn’t she have that blame clock fixed? Or replaced? Why didn’t she do a lot of things? Did it not bother her?
And I realized that I needed in the very worst way for that clock to move. I need for the afternoon and then the evening to come. I need for all of that to happen because if time does not pass, how can we begin to heal? How can we move beyond?
Though the passing of time can bring more darkness, eventually if the clock keeps ticking, the sun will rise, the light will come, and we can move past all of the pain and hurt and sadness of the now.
Tonight I give thanks for those who remind me of the moments passing and who hold my hand and heart as they do. I am thankful for those who sit in the dark and are the first to call out “Morning has broken!” as the tiniest bit of dawn peeks over the horizon. Tonight I open myself to the Light which will I hope will help me see the path a little clearer.
And I’m sure hopeful that someone will fix that clock. It’s no good to be stuck in the same moment for more than a minute–it’s just not good for our souls.
Love to all.
I Might Need A Nap 