and before you know it,
it’s the middle of January
and you’ve only just put away the Christmas
and so your heart would already be a little heavy–
touching her things and giving thanks
that she shared them with you
and all the memories attached
with each little Santa or nativity
or snowflake
and you remember those words of blessing said
as her precious hands tucked them in their boxes,
words from your own mouth–
May the next time we open this box
our spirits and our health all be good
but it wasn’t to be
and the middle of January comes
bringing more memories
her smile over the simple cards you made
or the little trinket nothings you crocheted for her
that she always kept
over the many years of childhood
her joy and happiness over the lemon cake recipe
you found and made that had no cholesterol,
she tried to take good care of her health
and all the laughter once you grew up
over sharing mushrooms
she spent years making her birthday about everyone else
finding joy in the little things
making each person who wished her well
feel one of a kind special,
no matter how elaborate a gift they offered
whether a pencil drawing
or a new robe
(there was that one year)
each time she exclaimed
it was the best ever
and the joy in her eyes was genuine and true
her birthday
a day to remember and cry a little
for crying in the middle of January
is okay
more folks than a few usually do
as the calendar page turns
and I see her name with the cake and candle there,
drawn just as she always did on her own calendars,
my tears will blend in with those for whom
this month is just hard in general
I know how they feel
the joy that was just so full and glowing
full of light
and precious
has been put away
and is gone
Only Christmas will come around again
soon enough
but I won’t see her eyes twinkle or
hear her tell me how I am loved
or how beautiful she thinks I am
until I too leave this world
and so the tears and memories fall
as I blow out the candle
and remember
I Might Need A Nap 