for my friend whose Now and today is very hard…..




I’d be twelve, she said

Oooh, me too, twelve was great

I’d go back there in a heartbeat

to before


such magic in that word

marking two sides centered around that



one moment…..

one heartbreak

or joy

one celebration

or sorrow

one chipping away at a soul

or filling a heart to bustin’

one moment, two sides




forever different, forever changed.

For the nows that aren’t so good,

for the sorrows and the pain and the tears

that are a part of this day

the before is a dream, a moment in time

our hearts yearn for–

a moment when all was whole

not broken

and hearts were beating in time

not against all odds

so different from this Now

with the tears and questions and longing


how it was


not this fragmented and cracked


with tears

and sadness

and worry

and all but a tiny flicker of hope



when our feet could carry us everywhere we wanted to go,

and our dreams were only as far away as the branches in the trees we climbed

or inside the pages of the book

tucked away under our pillows with the flashlight

for after lights out

and Now

that it is dark

in this moment

I long for the comfort of that cherished book

and old white flashlight that Santa brought,

when my only worry in life was my


on the bottom bunk

threatening to tell Mama and Daddy

that I’m staying up late


under the covers




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