My little guy has gotten up the past few mornings saying he had some strange dreams the night before. Then be proceeds to tell us about them.
He’s right. He has some pretty off the wall dreams.
And last night, so did I.
I was awakened early at the end of the second one and the clarity of what had happened and how real it all felt was very unsettling.
In the first part I was at Bare Bulb Coffee where we go to church. I was sitting with our friends and my friend’s son was reading aloud for all of us. While listening I started flipping ahead in my copy of the book to mark where I was assigned to read. I thought I was being quiet and unobtrusive but I guess not. My friend leaned over and said, pointing a finger, “I think you need to be listening, Missy!”
Wow. In my dream I was ashamed and embarrassed. I knew she was right. I wasn’t focused on the here and now because I was too busy looking ahead.
I get it.
And if that wasn’t enough of a wake up call, the dream morphed into another different dream entirely, like they do.
I was in a crowd. Shopping. An open air market kind of thing I guess, because we were outside. I had a cart and my wallet was in the front child’s seat. I walked away from my cart for a moment. I can’t remember why now–maybe to look at something for sale or for a bathroom. As I turned back, I saw someone grab my wallet and run.
For whatever reason, this is a great fear of mine. When I say great, I mean HUGE.
In my dream I screamed my head off, and someone actually stopped the guy. I think I was going to get my wallet back when I was awakened suddenly.
But before I woke up, in the moment when I saw the person running away with my belongings, I thought, “Yeah I figured this would happen eventually.”
And I heard my own voice echoing in my head–“You got distracted, not paying attention in the now, and look at how that worked out for you.”
Oh my. I think I may be trying to tell myself something. I’m overwhelmed right now and have been crazy busy. For months I’ve been planning and organizing and focusing on a future event.
And it breaks my heart to think about what all I have lost or missed because I wasn’t listening, wasn’t focused or invested. In. That. Moment.
Tonight I will rest my head, and I hope to have sweet dreams. I have turned over a new leaf today. I hope a sudden storm doesn’t flip it back over, but today I vowed to start focusing more on the now and less on six days, six weeks, six months down the road. Now.
I am thankful for friends, whether from my “real life” or from within, who will tell it like it is. Point a finger, call me Missy, and expect me to do better.
I mean, now that I know better and see what the distractions and being focused on the future steal from my now, how can I do anything less?
Love to all.