Women of a Certain Age…..

On Saturday at our family egg hunt, wienie roast, and hootenanny, my Cousin, my oldest, and I were talking about jeans and pants and how we prefer to wear them.  It occurs to me now that there is almost as much age difference between me and my Cousin as there is between her and my big girl.  And guess which way won in our conversation?

Yeah.  I’m the old lady.

We were talking about waistlines on pants.  I like mine at my waistline–just above the belly button or at least right at it.  Those two sweet young things prefer theirs to be what I guess is deemed low-rise.  Below said belly button.

And they look good wearing them.  But if I try to wear them two things happen.

First, I spend my day making every effort NOT to bend over.  Forget whatever I drop until I’m wearing my old dependable jeans again.  Because when I bend over in pants that are low-rise, they ride low, and there’s just nobody who has time for that.

Second, I spend the entire day feeling like I’m hanging out and over my pants.  If they don’t come up to the aforementioned point, I am miserable and I feel like I have a “muffin top.”  It’s funny that the two young “girls” I was talking about this with both said that low-rise jeans make them feel more slender.  It’s just the opposite for me.  Give me a pair of jeans I can shove everything into and hold it all in, and I’m happy happy happy.

The timing of this conversation was funny, because last week two women from Macon were on a show called “Shark Tank.”  What’s even more coincidental is that I heard one of them talking on her cell phone, planning a “viewing party” for last Thursday night’s episode two weeks ago, when I was popping into the health food store in Macon.  I wasn’t eavesdropping deliberately.  As I walked by, she mentioned the viewing party for her partner and herself who had been on “Shark Tank.”  I mentioned it to my oldest, as I’ve never seen the show.  We recorded it, watched it, saw what they were selling, and how they did (no spoiler from me here people–go and watch in peace, my friends).  And wasn’t the product ironic, considering Saturday’s conversation?

They own a company called “Hold Your Haunches.”  They have a pair of boot cut black pants, a pair of black leggings, and a pair of black legging capris that they sell in various sizes.  The idea is that these pants hold in areas that need holding in and lift up areas that need lifting up.  All while looking quite stylish. Huh.

There were three men and two women “sharks” on the show.  It was interesting to hear each one’s impression of the product.  The one shark who lost his mind over it cracked me up.  He didn’t like that it seemed dishonest. According to him, women who wore these pants weren’t going for truth in advertising, so to speak.  Like the women sharks, I laughed at his rationale and found him a bit ridiculous.  Seriously.  I’ve been in the dating world.  What one is wearing and how his or her body is really built is the least of the falsehoods going on out there.  Puh-lease.  I think he was just jealous they didn’t make some he could wear.

At one point, one of the sharks mentioned that this could be a great product because women like to feel like they can hold things in.  When they get to a certain age.

Oh good gravy.

I’m there, aren’t I?

At a “certain” age.

Oh boy.

Breathe Tara.  In your pants that are holding you in.  Breathe in as much as you are able to and still stand upright.

Yeah.  Now I get it.  Maybe ten or twelve (how many are between me and my Cousin again–thirteen I think?) years ago, maybe the low-rise would have suited me fine.  (Well as long as my old dependables didn’t peek out from underneath–seriously, if I wear those low-rise now, there’s a whole lot more than peeking that goes on.)  But not today.  Today I give thanks for that brand that makes the comfort band inside the jeans–they’re not your Mama’s elastic waist jeans, but they’re just as comfortable.  I think control top is a gift and don’t get me started on those “spanx” that allow girls like me to wear skirts and dresses comfortably.  Oh yes, thank you for the creation of spandex.

Yes, I’m starting to identify with Dolly Parton’s Truvy in “Steel Magnolias” when she said, “Well, these thighs haven’t gone out of the house without lycra on them since I was 14.” (To which the reply was, “Well you were raised right.”  Ahem.)

I don’t wear that stuff everyday, but I sure am thankful it’s there when I need it.

Tonight has been for the fun of it, thinking about my sweet Cousin and being thankful for her–that she’s my friend and my daughter’s as well.  That she and I can bond over people and books and our feelings about both.  That she and my girl can talk about nutrition and health and clothes and all but roll their eyes in disbelief over my belly button waisted jean wearing self.  I love it.

So what say you–above, at, or below?  Lycra or no?  What makes you the most comfortable?

Love and comfort to all.