My Mama had rules for living–she *ahem* shared them with us on a regular basis. I think maybe her number one rule was this–
“Don’t leave anyone out.”
I heard her say this so many times to us growing up. When we driving up the dirt road that led to Granny’s house. Sometimes we didn’t know if any of our cousins would be there, but she’d just about always turn around from the front seat and say, “Don’t y’all leave anyone out. Play with everyone. Y’all make space for everybody.”
Yes ma’am. She’d say it when we had friends over. Or when it was just the four of us. With the dynamics of three girls and a baby boy, with nine years span between oldest and youngest, she probably said it way more than she cared to. “Don’t leave anyone out. Y’all play nice.”
I knew she was serious.
I was more afraid to be caught leaving someone out than to be caught in “telling a story (fib)” or not doing my chores. I’m not kidding. She didn’t play about this.
So much so that it was impressed upon me and became my rule too. I’ve said the same thing to my own children many, many times.
Tonight I told them this again. I looked my two littles–our Princess and Cooter–in the eyes and I told them I wanted them to remember something very important.
“Y’all, I want you always to remember not to leave other folks out.”
“Why, Mama?” our Princess asked. “Did we do something?”
“No, baby,” I touched her hand. “Y’all are fine. Just please remember this is important to me. It hurts other people if you don’t include them. Now if they aren’t playing right, you can walk away and find me or Daddy or Baba, but don’t ever leave someone out on purpose. It’s hurtful.”
“But Mama, we didn’t do that. Why are you telling us this?”
Aub sat on the couch and listened. She knew where I was coming from and where I was going. And why.
“Well, some big people are leaving some folks out and that makes me very sad. I don’t think that’s what we’re supposed to do, is it? I don’t think that that’s right.”
Out of nowhere Cooter said, with his booming voice and exaggerated waving arms, “Well, I’m just listening to God on this.”
Well, okay then buddy. Sounds like a plan.
Because you know what? I don’t get it. I read the same Good Book that others do, and what seems to be pretty much the number one rule after loving the Artist who created us, is to love. Love one another. Our neighbors. There’s no other specifications beyond those words. No one listed not to love. Love one another. All.
Sounds kind of similar to my Mama’s rule–not leaving anyone out of the love and playing nice.
My Mama used to quote that one about loving folks to us a lot too. She loved the words in that Book. Dearly loved them. And lived them too.
This afternoon Aub and I found out through a Facebook post that World Vision reversed their decision that was announced yesterday. Because of the folks who threatened or did withdraw their support and sponsorships, they rethought their position and declared today that they were reversing their decision that allowed the hiring of Christians who are in same-sex marriages.
To be honest, call me naïve-gullible even, but I was shocked. We’ve been a bit mournful around here. Sad. Yes, sad. And feeling a bit betrayed.
what I wrote last night still stands. This organization is doing great things for children in need in the world. For that I am thankful. And for those who decided in the past 24 hours to sponsor a child as a way to support World Vision’s decision to be more accepting, my fingers are crossed and I’m hoping that they will continue to sponsor these children in need. Even though the shoe is on the other foot, so to speak, another thing I said last night still stands–these children did nothing to deserve this. Don’t make them suffer for any decisions that are being made. We are called to love, and that’s what we should continue to do.
And yet, my heart aches for those who felt like they were finally being included, being invited to join in “Red Rover” or “Colored Ribbons” or freeze tag. Or kickball. Only to find themselves once again pushed off to the side, last ones picked for the team…..or never chosen at all. Just kidding, y’all, we didn’t really mean to include you.
I hear my Mama telling us in “that” tone of voice to behave, mind our p’s and q’s, and be kind to each other. I see Aub huddled on the couch, taking time from her studies to read the hurtful things people said in response to yesterday’s announcement and the comments from today of people proclaiming victory in the name of the Very One who embraced and loved and hung out with the broken and the lost and the cast aside. Just no. Please. And I see, through tears that I am holding back, the faces of my littles wondering what other reasons there could be for leaving someone out besides them not sharing their bicycle or for going inside to eat supper early. This is one of those hard things to talk to them about–like the death of good people we love or why folks went to Africa and took people away from their homes and made them work for nothing.
There’s just some things I can’t explain to them enough for it to make sense.
Because it. MAKES. NO. SENSE.
And that hurts. And makes me mad.
That small train engine that stopped traffic yesterday as though it were a train engine pulling 100 cars gives me hope. That’s why I had to find my voice. I almost didn’t speak up. I was worried about alienating or hurting my friends who believe differently. The thing is I respect that folks can believe differently than I do. I can still be friends and show respect, but I can no longer respect myself if I don’t say when I think something is wrong. Which is why I couldn’t leave it to my eighteen year old to be the only one crying out “Not fair.” I have to be able to look in all three of my children’s eyes and know I tried my best to change things for the better, that I didn’t just leave it for them to do.
We have a long way to go, and the past two days have proven that. We have people–real people with names and faces and families and broken stories living on the streets and in the woods, in bus terminals and empty parking garages. We have people who are turning their backs on their neighbors, the very ones they are called to love, because they are different. And we are using words–words from the very same Book that tells us to love–to point fingers and draw lines of division and pain and hurt.
And it’s time to stop.
Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other. –John 13:34-35 MSG
This is how everyone will recognize you…..oh my.
Old, old words.
Calling us to a new way of living.
This loving folks and living large is hard.
And yet, it’s all there is…..
Love. To. All.
5 thoughts on ““When they see the love you have for each other…..””
Well said. And I think I need to emphasize your mother’s rule as regularly and emphatically as she did.
Thank you for reading, Cynthia, and for your encouragement. It’s hard to keep up with all we should be teaching them sometimes, isn’t? Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart at all.
I have a friend that works at the headquarters for World Vision who told me THOUSANDS of children had been dropped by sponsors in just 24 hours. For a direct sponsorship organization that is literly taking the food out of thousands of children’s mouths. They felt they did not have a choice considering the out cry and the irresponsible “Christian” leaders who were calling people to drop their sponsored children. I would love to hear your thoughts on my post, even if you disagree with me 😉 Here is the link:
Thank you for stopping by, reading, and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate the opportunity to read your post. I don’t think we disagree on much. I don’t fault World Vision as much as I am very disappointed in the folks who recommended that those sponsoring children withdraw their support. I saw pastors encouraging their congregants to do so, and honestly, I don’t know what to do with that. Thank you again. I appreciate the good conversation.
I thank you for pointing out that there wasn’t much love in all that has transpired. In one of your comments, you said “the sinful response,” and that resonated with me. No matter what happened before, the response of those after the announcement was sinful–it was the antithesis of love, which is what we are called to do. Bottom line. You also said, “No soul has ever been won for Christ by winning an argument.” Amen. I have been grieving over the pain in all of this. You give me hope. Thank you again.