I didn’t have anything appropriate to wear to my Mama’s funeral. I couldn’t wear the black dress I’d worn to my Great Aunt’s almost three years before. Mama HATED the color black and with good reason, so just no. I didn’t think the denim skirt she’d asked me to wear to Daddy’s would work either. At some point I was at the GW Boutique in the midst of all the other planning and I found a dress. A muted brown that would go with the boots she and Daddy got me. I thankfully purchased it and moved on to what was next to be done.
I took it home and planned to wash it and get it ready to wear on Tuesday afternoon.
Only I’d forgotten that our washer was broken. The new one hadn’t been delivered yet. In all of the running around, I forgot. And then the message came from my sweet Neighborfriend:
“Stop by when you get home. I have your dress and Princess’ too.”
Bless her. She’d not only washed but dried and pressed our dresses and hung them on hangers. All we had to do is get dressed when the time came. What a gift.
I’ve been thinking about that gift this week as the date gets closer. As I remembered the relief that the gift of her doing my laundry brought me, my mind drifted to the gift I had of doing laundry for others. Three different times.
In 2010, when my Great Aunt died, Mama wasn’t able to go to her house very often and take care of things because Daddy was fighting his battle with the Giant. One time when I was down there checking on things for her, I was cleaning up and putting things away. I found my Great Aunt’s dirty clothes bin under the sink in a cabinet. And there were her dirty clothes. From her last few days. I found a garbage bag to put them in and I saved the tears for the drive home.
I waited a day or two to wash them. For whatever reason, I needed the time to prepare myself. It felt so sacred, like I was on holy ground. It was such an intimate thing to have her clothes that she had chosen to wear each day, laying there in a heap, waiting on her to save up a load and wash them. It was very precious to me to be the one to do this instead.
I remember it was a quiet day around here. Not sure why, or maybe it was just a quiet day in my heart and soul. I put them on to wash, carefully putting each item into the machine and closing the lid. A short time later, when the load was through, I took each item out, one by one, and placed it into the dryer. I set the dryer to run and went back to other chores. I went out to feed the cats in our side yard and experienced the most amazing thing. My yard smelled like my Great Aunt. It was beautiful. I closed my eyes and felt the sunshine on my face. The gentle breeze that carried my Great Aunt’s essence upon it caressed my face and curled around my hands. The dryer vent is on that side of the house, so the clothes were sharing their scent through the hole on the side of the house. It was one of the most precious blessings. For a few minutes, I was hugged by her. One more time.
Last year during Mama’s HospitalStay, we moved her bag of clothes she’d worn to the hospital from the ER to her room to the next hospital and from one room to the next there. Before she went down to surgery she asked me to take her clothes on back. We didn’t want to leave all of that in her room. I put them in the car and promptly forgot about them in all the events that ensued. I don’t remember when exactly, but one day during that last week when she was in the STICU and I wasn’t allowed to visit as much, I found them and washed them. Her outfit and coat and socks and all. Again, holy ground. I put them in a clean garbage bag to take back to her house. We found the bag just a week ago in the bottom of her closet where I’d tucked them. Clean and waiting.
A week after Mama left this earth, I sat next to our cousin in another hospital as she took her last breath. Bless her, she’d had a rough go of it too. The next couple of days after she passed, I had the sad task of cleaning out her room at the assisted living home where she lived. After loading the last of the things from her room, her roommate’s sweet guardian and friend of our cousin and Mama, Miss D, called me into the bathroom. “Sugar, I’m sorry to tell you this, but we’ve got a few things in here to take care of.” We went through the drawers and cleared off the countertop. She looked in a basket and clicked her tongue. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. They shouldn’t have left this for you. They should have washed these things before now.” I shook my head and held back the tears. More laundry. I was thankful in a way. I would rather be the one to do it than have the staff just throw it in with all the rest. I found a bag, loaded the clothes and towels in, and brought them home. Once again, I found an uncluttered afternoon and did her laundry. As I folded the tops and pajamas and hung up her robe, I remembered and gave thanks for the one who had worn them just a few weeks before.
Tonight I’m thankful to be the one who was on laundry duty. It was a gift to me–a time of tearful remembering and feeling close to them as I sorted and folded and stacked. And I give thanks for my sweet Neighborfriend who made our journey a little easier with her gift of laundry and love.
That’s the key, isn’t it? Loving through the everyday stuff. Finding a blessing in it. Acknowledging the holy and sacred in the piles and messes and brokenness of our day-to-day lives. Remembering. And giving thanks. The gifts that can be found in the sorting and cleaning and putting away. It doesn’t have to be glamorous to be beautiful. It just has to be real.