Here it is.
I’ve been asked so many times, “Big plans for New Year’s Eve?” or “What are y’all doing for the Big Night?” (and they say it just like that, capital letters and all)
Ummmm, not so much. Hope to be in bed before the ball drops.
Then there are the well-intentioned folks who ask about New Year’s Resolutions.
Yeah, I don’t do those either.
Sometimes, when I share that I don’t make resolutions, I am then asked the question, “Well, what are your plans and dreams for 2014?”
No. I once did that, but not anymore. It’s just too much.
This year I am having to treat today and tomorrow as just another day. Because that’s how I have to take things to cope, to be able to keep breathing. One day, sometimes one moment, at a time. If I sit down and reflect over this year or wax poetic about the turning of the calendar, the ticking of the clock, Father Time and all his ways, then I will break down. I just cannot go there. Not and be able to get back up again.
I used to make a big fuss over New Year’s Eve. One of the best ever was on NYE of 1999. That’s right, ringing in the Y2K. Quite exciting actually, not being sure if the power would still be on or our identities would be wiped clean at 12:01 a.m. Just to be safe we’d stocked up with every snack imaginable–mostly in the beige food group so loved by people age five and under. That’s right, it was me and my Joyful sisterfriend partying like it was 1999 with our three girls–two who were age four, and then there was Baby J, who had just turned two. I’m talking serious partying, people. So much so that at 10:00 p.m. we told them it was midnight, gave them some sparkling cider, rang in the New Year with whistles and cheers, and sent their precious little selves to bed. Best night ever! Me and my sisterfriend and our girls–just the way it was so often during that time of our life. That is a memory I will always treasure. Another favorite NYE celebration was in 2005. It was me, Mess Cat, and my two girls–one ten and one a year old– partying with the Disney Channel countdown. We partied right that year too, y’all. I miss those Disney countdowns. During the Times Square one tonight I kept having to ask Aub who the artists were…..so I finally gave up.
Last year, I was hopeful. Literally–filled with hope. We had made it through a year without my Daddy. It had been a hard year, but Mama was making plans. Plans for the future. And I felt strong enough to do some of that too. I had my “word” for 2013 picked out, and I was ready, if not eager, to move on into the new year–2013.
So much for that.
2013 came at us, after us it seemed, with twists and turns and pains and heartbreaks that we could not have anticipated. Yes, there was some joy too–a real, not very much fun roller coaster of a year. And that’s all I’m going to say about that. I’m not reflecting on the year tonight, remember?
So no resolutions. No plans. No dreams. Just a day to day coping. Some days that’s as good as it gets. And I’m okay with that. I will honor the traditions of New Year’s Day that I was raised with–I won’t do laundry AT ALL, I will eat blackeye peas and greens, and I will try and love on folks because whatever you do on New Year’s Day, you’ll do all year long…..y’all knew that, right? But other than that. Just. Another. Day. It just has to be.
For the sake of my littles, I tipped my hat to today and its significance with a little party fun, and they decorated their ice cream cone trees tonight. (Yes, we are a week behind, thank you for noticing. It’s been that kind of Christmas season.) They laughed, they decorated, they snuck candy, and they are STILL AWAKE. I am thinking a replay of NYE 1999 might need to come into play. *sigh* This Mama is ready to call it a night.
Tonight I am thankful for sisterfriends and sisters who love for a lifetime, who remember, and who show up when you need them most. I am thankful for the freedom to not celebrate tonight–the gift of another quiet night at home with my family, even though the homemade guacamole was worth a whoot whoot or two, if I do say so myself as shouldn’t. Most of all, I am thankful for the good memories I have that I can wrap myself in like a blanket to keep me warm in the cold days of January.
As my Mama often said, “Happy Everyday!”
When I still lived at home, I would always point out on New Year’s Day that I hadn’t had a shower since last year, so I’d better go take one. *insert your uncontrollable laughter at my razor wit here* Since moving away from home, each year I would call Mama on New Year’s morning and say something cheesy like, “Mama, I haven’t talked to you since last year! Hey, how’ve you been?” I will miss doing that. So if your phone rings and it’s me and my cheesiness on the other end, please don’t roll your eyes or sigh too loudly. It’s a tradition, after all.