Today I’ve been visiting with a friend, who is fighting hard the mindset of a victim. Don’t get me wrong, she has enough in her life to feel persecuted and put upon by, but I really hope she doesn’t lose the battle. This is what I wish I had said.
My sweet friend,
You are not a victim. Not every arrow you see flying through the air was meant for you. Duck. Don’t let it land on your heart and make you bitter. Sometimes arrows hit targets they weren’t aiming for. Don’t be that person who walks around accepting the direct hits, none of which were meant for you. Sometimes people are who they are, without considering how it affects other folks. Inconsiderate? Yes. Intentionally cruel? Alas, no. Sometimes it just “be’s” that way.
I remember an episode of Gilligan’s Island when a “witch doctor” made voodoo dolls of the castaways. Supposedly people who have voodoo dolls of a person can make that person do all kinds of crazy things, by moving the figure or poking pins in them and things like that. No one, NO ONE AT ALL, has a voodoo doll of you. No one has control over your thoughts and actions and moods and behaviors. Unless you give it to them. It’s all up to you, dear one. How about trying to treat your voodoo doll, YOURSELF, a little kinder?
When someone drives really slow in front of you and you are running late and driving with a sense of purpose, they are not doing it to make you crazy. It has nothing to do with you. Same thing at the checkout counter with the person doing a price check on every item before committing (and sorry about that by the way). The neighbor with the big truck who cranks up and drives off with a roar of a loud engine at 11:15 every night. Again, none of this done with you in mind. Arrows not meant for you. No mal-intent at all. So much in this world happens that you could take on your heart.
You have a big, precious heart, but you are quite unkind to someone I care about and I have to call you on it.
Love yourself and learn to let some things go. One of my favorite phrases when something happens lately has been, “Yeah, that’s about right.” It’s my way of SMH’ing and LOL’ing all rolled into one. And that’s how I hope you will be able to cope. Just let it roll off your back and laugh it off.
Turns out my little guy Cooter has been listening better than I thought. Two weeks ago my cousin came out to teach my girl about her car, especially how to use jumper cables. He even brought her a pair. “Most folks have a good battery they can let you use–not everyone has the cables.” (Smart and generous. Love him.) He explained it step by step.
This evening when I was speaking with you, Cooter heard me say to you, “Be positive! Positive. Positive. Positive.”
That’s when he piped up. “Negative to ground.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
How did my cousin explain that? You don’t put negative to negative because it could blow things up. Oh my land, ain’t that the absolute truth? Best thing to do is exactly what Cooter said, “Throw that negative to the ground. Drop it and bury it.” Well maybe not exactly, but you see where I’m going with this.
Don’t feed those negative thoughts that try to creep in. You’ve got this. You are NOT a victim. People in your past hurt you, and I wish I could change that. But you, you are stronger and better than that already. If you let your heart soar and throw down the negative that is keeping you grounded, you will reach heights not even imagined. You have it in you to do great things. More than you already have. Now LET YOURSELF. It’s okay. Give yourself the grace you give everyone else so freely. LET YOURSELF go and do and be and soar.
And if one of those arrows does happen to hit, I’m here to listen and love and sit with you as the pain subsides. But don’t go chasing those arrows and looking for them to hit you. You are not the one the arrows were looking for. Let them pass.
Or, in the words of my wise Daddy, “Don’t go borrowing trouble.”
I love you, my dear, sweet friend. Now go and do. And be kind. Even to yourself.
***SMH (shaking my head)
***LOL (laughing out loud)