Inside the Cocoon For Now

It’s my girl’s birthday.  Commence the partying!

A week or so ago, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday.

(well, within reason, you know)

I batted around a couple of things that she’s enjoyed before.  Magazine subscription.  Shoes.  Clothes.

Nothing was resonating with her.

She just shrugged.

Well okay, technically the shrug was in my mind because we were texting and on the phone, but yeah, pretty sure she shrugged.  I have known her for nineteen years now.

“I don’t know.  I don’t have a clue.”

I told her that was okay.

“No. It’s not.  I don’t like that I don’t know myself.”

The words that came to me came instantly.

“It’s hard to pin down a moving target.”

I don’t know where those words came from but they just made sense.

After all, in the past two, four years my girl has grown by leaps and bounds.  She’s been forced to by life and death, and she’s made choices on her own that required a level of maturity that I can hardly fathom.

And then there are moments that I realize she’s still my girl.  When we laugh together over a memory or something that just happened.  When she complains about my helicopter parenting or I turn my head so I don’t have to look in her room.  When we sit and talk for hours or volley messages back and forth.  She’s still my girl, and yet she’s so much more.

It makes sense that she has a hard time figuring out her likes and dislikes and preferences and favorite things right now.  She’s growing and changing, and it absolutely makes sense that as she changes, so might all of those things.

A sweet friend shared a quote tonight from Maya Angelou.

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That right there.  My sweet girl, it’s okay that you don’t know what you want.  That’s absolutely wonderful.  You are growing, changing, transforming.  From one beautiful creature to another.  I am sure if you asked the caterpillar what she wants and then asked the butterfly, they would be quite different.  The butterfly doesn’t need several pairs of shoes at one time and the caterpillar doesn’t need wing cleaner.  But they are one and the same.

And, I’m just guessing here, when the precious creature is at her innermost changing tucked inside her cocoon, if someone asked her what she wanted, she’d very likely say, “I don’t know. It’s like I don’t even know who I am.”

Tonight I’m thankful for words that come into my head and show up on my Facebook feed just when I need them most.  I’m thankful for growing and changing and beauty all around, as scary and hard as it might be to see when we’re in the middle of it.

Here’s to my girl and all of those like her, those who are in the midst of transforming.  I cannot wait to see what all of you beautiful people become next.

Love to all.

 

transformation

Last night as the house settled into its quiet slumber, and I was the only one stirring, I went to the front door and peered out.  There had been a light dusting of snow.  No big flakes.  In fact, the snow had come down as tiny little specks that floated and hovered like fruit flies in the summer and formed an icy cover just over the top of the grass.  As I thought over this, the long-awaited snow, one word came to mind.  I know that the snow and winter weather can be devastating and has been for many this year, and still this word has followed me through my day.

transformation

As we peer through the icy glass and our breath forms a fog upon it

we are hoping for the world to turn white,

to be covered with white icy snowflakes

that can change what we see everyday

into something we cannot gaze upon enough.

Something that can take an ordinary day and make it extra special,

full of celebration and whimsy

New life to notice

the red berry against the white snow and the green holly leaves

once lost in the midst of our everyday

Footprints of those who have gone before us

we now notice and wonder who they were and where they were going

but before we hurried on, ignoring who might have

paved the way

their steps guiding us along

easily seen now

The sound of the icy shapes hitting the leaves and the roof

and the windowpanes

Our senses are heightened

we are aware

of the beauty

The moon shines down lovingly caressing the white in the night

and the snowy ground reflects her beauty and smiles back, glowing

making the darkness brighter

If only we could do that for each other

What is the magic of this thing so rare, so sought after and hoped for

What does it give us that we long for, that we watch for quietly,

so much so that we celebrate the first flake we see

Much like that first star in the night that we wish upon

when the darkness covers the sky

Could it be the magic of transformation?

This transforming the everyday

into something new

and fresh and clean

and bright

It takes an ordinary day and fills it

with festivity and fun

with new adventures and friends and laughter and silliness

and contemplation

Something that changes what is before us

and takes our breath away

with its beauty

Could it be we want the magic for ourselves

for our hearts and minds and souls

This transformation

to be taken from the ordinary

to something more, something precious, a treasure

to be the one who reflects the light and love

of those around us

even in the darkest of times

To create a stirring in their hearts

to be so wanted

and to be seen as beautiful too

Tread lightly for this beauty is fleeting,

it will not stay

If only the transformation could last…..

but maybe, if we remember, and carry the memory

in our hearts

maybe we can be like the snow gently falling in the dark of night

transforming what is around us

making it so people will see, really see

what is all around them

and maybe then, the magic will last