three little letters

three little letters

when put in a particular order

add so much and enhance every word they join

just as we hope to do with those who gather near

beauti-ful

joy-ful

delight-ful

plenti-ful

it is wonder-ful

what those three letters can do

but if they are moved just so,

organized into alphabetical order,

they become something that

takes away

that hurts

that separates

and causes pain and loss–

loss of the sunshine of spirit

loss of the smiles and the singing

that once filled the air

and leaves only quiet and the sound

of a thermometer beeping

at regular intervals,

and red cheeks and peaked eyes,

and the worry and

glass after glass of liquids

and emptied tissue boxes

it is aw-ful

 

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Our Princess was diagnosed with the flu last night after a long, exhausting day of not feeling good at all.  The last straw was the high fever.  I don’t ever want to see numbers that high on a thermometer again.  What has struck me the most over the last two days has been how lackluster our days have been.  No one changed the Advent Calendar for 18 or 19.  No one has sought after our elf, Christopher Pop-in-Kins.  No one has eagerly rushed to see what the kindness elves offered as a suggestion for the day.  

You don’t miss the sun until it goes behind a cloud…..I have always teased saying she is our sunshine–only with her, we have to wear shades.  Turns out it can be quite gray and gloomy when our sunshine is under the weather.  

As she felt well enough to argue a little with her brother today, I am hopeful that tomorrow will find her with a little bounce in her step…..or a step alone would do.  It’s hard when your children are sick.  

Thankful tonight for catching it quick and for the improvements we’ve seen today.  I give thanks for helpful healing suggestions and offers of sustenance dropped off at the mailbox.  I am thankful for the moments of calm I have felt in the midst of the worry and stress of a baby with health issues.  That’s how I know my Mama is sticking close.  

Love to all.  

 

Mama Instincts At Work

Tonight this Mama is thankful to be home.

With some answers.

Our day started out with our Princess coughing.  She can go from sniffles in the morning to full-blown asthma by nightfall, bless her.  She’s been doing a lot better with these times occurring less and less often.

But today the sound of her coughing was the first thing I heard this morning.  I checked her temperature around 10:30 and again at noon.  Both times it was doing what I expected.  Low grade and slowly rising.  When I checked it again mid-afternoon though, I felt like I’d won “Worst Mama of the Year” award.  It was high.  Higher than I ever remember it being.

And that was not okay.

I took her robe off of her in hopes of cooling her down some, and I called the number I’m supposed to call to get permission to take her to the doctor.  Imagine my surprise when the trained professional on the other end told me to wait it out.  She gave suggestions for home care, but bottom line was, “If it gets worse, call us back.”

This did not set well with me.  I once had a pediatrician tell me to trust my “Mama instincts.”  I really appreciated that, the fact that he valued my perceptions and concerns as an integral part of his taking care of my children.  So today, when I called thinking someTHING needed to be done to help my sick baby, and I was told to “wait it out,”  Mama’s instincts flew out the window and Anxiety Girl showed up.  She has quite the imagination, that one.  And she’s really good at making me panic.

I held it together though.  With the help of those who love us listening and reaffirming my concerns, I kicked Anxiety Girl to the curb, and me and my instincts made the decision to take our Princess in to be seen by a doctor. (Especially when the fever hadn’t broken four hours after taking medicine.) I made a call to the Med Stop to confirm they were still open. When talking with the nurse there, I explained what had been going on.  “Oh yes,” she said.  “Y’all need to come on now.”

They arm "banded" my sweet girl and sent us back very quickly tonight.  She was so worn out, she curled up on the table and went to sleep.  Bless her.

They arm “banded” my sweet girl and sent us back very quickly tonight. She was so worn out, she curled up on the table and went to sleep. Bless her.

And I’m glad we did.  I have a sick Princess, who did need medicine prescribed to get better.

I was worried and wanted her to get the help she needed to feel better so we went "as you are"--pajamas and all.

I was worried and wanted her to get the help she needed to feel better in a hurry so we went “as you are”–pajamas and all.

Poor girl.  I hurried her out the door so quickly, she grabbed my shoes to wear to the Med Stop.

Poor girl. I hurried her out the door so quickly, she grabbed my shoes to wear to the Med Stop.  Today was one of those “do what you gotta do” days.  (No, seriously, you should see all the dishes in my sink.  Ah well, they won’t grow legs and leave before the morning.  Unfortunately…..)

 

Tonight I’m thankful for folks who empower me and my “Mama instincts.”  I give thanks for a good doctor and kind staff who made my girl feel special, even when they had to do what she feared most–stick that swab down her throat.  I am thankful that I went with what I thought instead of waiting for a person to give me permission to be concerned.  And I’m grateful that what my baby has found the most comfort in today has been cuddling with me.  Even though she’s almost 10 and nearly as tall as I am, she still wants her Mama when she doesn’t feel good.  Tonight as we curl up on the couch, where apparently we’re sleeping tonight at her request, and watch late night programming on a channel where the shows are Mama-approved, I will smell her hair and kiss her forehead, and be grateful that we are here together.  And we are okay.  Or will be as soon as the medicine kicks in.

It’s time for this tired Mama to call it a night.  There is little that makes one feel as vulnerable as seeing his or her baby sick and miserable.  But first I want to make sure all you folks loving on your children hear this:  trust yourselves.  Ask questions.  You know your littles and big ones better than anyone.  Trust that.

Love to all.