the pen

If I could give you anything,
anything at all, it would be a pen.
One you wouldn’t lose, no matter how hard
you seemingly tried to do so.
I would give you a pen which wrote in any
color you imagined at the moment.
With this pen, with any words you put down on paper,
you would feel heard and understood
and not so alone–
with those words sitting there all lined
up in your favorite color du jour,
reflecting your very thoughts,
you soul would tell its story.

By writing it all down
with this pen
your heart would be glad and
your mind would be eased
and peace would come to you.

That peace that comes from finding another
who says, “me too”
and echoes what weighs on your very being,
baring itself and revealing
your own beauty to you,
shining back in your eyes
and you can’t help but love her
and you

and in that moment
you will be free
and soar above the wreckage that
tries to pull you
down

write your words
and know
you are
never
alone

and
you
are
loved

it is written
and so it is so

Italian_quill_and_ink

“Italian quill and ink” by Clementina – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons

I Can’t Believe I Took That Quiz

I might need a hobby.

Or to pick up a broom or dust cloth.  Or remember that I have a whole long list of things that need to be done. (And I am pretty sure there’s a load of laundry waiting to be moved to the dryer as I type.)

But instead I just took one of those on-line quizzes. Don’t ask me why.  I don’t take every one I see posted.  But someone I think highly of posted this one, so I clicked through.

“What is Your Age Based on How You See Colors?”

Really?  Okay, sure.  Why not?

So I answered the ten questions about what color/colors I saw, and my age is:

87

Whaaaaa?

Here’s their reasoning:

You are drawn to things that speak to you on a much deeper level, rather than just focusing on the biggest, most colorful object in your immediate environment. 
For something to get your full attention, it needs to approach you on a much deeper level. Your emotions need to speak with your eyes and your environment. Without an emotional connection, you might as well be looking at a blank space.

That last line though.  Truth.

You mean not everyone has an emotional connection or reaction to whatever they are seeing or experiencing?

Say what now?

(Don’t we all remember how I stressed over the right shade of green for our temperature blanket?  I see colors!)

The 87 aside–yes, I’ve always known I was an old soul–once I figured out it wasn’t saying I had the vision of an 87 year old (or that my bifocals need updating), I started thinking about what this is saying. For something to stand out enough for me to notice it, I have to feel it.

Well, yeah.  Doesn’t everyone?

What do you think?  If you have a minute, take the test and let me know if you’re an old soul too.

If you need me, I’ll be sitting here looking at things that make me feel all the feelings.  Like brooms, laundry, and dirty dishes.

Love and light to all.

img_1733

 

where were you?

some are going to ask you, “Where were you?,” you know

and others will claim you were never absent

that all things work to the good

and words like that

 

I won’t ask you

I’m not sure I’m ready for the answer

but I do wonder why all the brokenness

in the midst of a day where my little boy

is beaming because he built his first

Lego model from start to finish

all by himself

and on a day that found my girl

dancing and singing and making up stories

while her big sister beamed and found joy in the

silly and yet important things

 

in the midst of all of that

why this brokenness?

the sun was shining, for goodness’ sake

so many had spoken to you and asked for help

 

my heart aches because they were after a dream,

but because someone was hurting and lost

they are no longer here

to dream

to laugh

to love

 

and I want to know why

but I am hesitant to ask

because I’m afraid of what the answer might be

was it me?

did I fail him?

or another like him?

did I fail to stop and smile,

pay attention, take up time,

give away the love you so freely give

just for the sake of giving it?

 

some will ask where you were

but I think I know–

weeping with the rest of us,

tears streaming down your face,

wishing it could have all been different

 

and it could have

 

if only

there were no brokenness

 

and that, you’ve left up to us, haven’t you?

 

Where were you?

pleading with us to look

and see

and love

 

and love

 

IMG_6743

The Better to See You…..With

It has occurred to me in the past few days, perhaps not for the first time, that this whole being “with” that I am trying to step outside of my comfort zone and embrace, it will take a different set of eyes.  People, including myself, don’t always tell folks when they need help or a hug or a listening ear.  It’s just not that easy, is it?

I saw a video clip at Evening Prayer last night that spoke to me.  I hope it will inspire you as well.  Not easy, but “this is water.”  This is a graphic version of a commencement speech that David Foster Wallace wrote and gave at Kenyon College in 2005.  It rings so true for me–especially the grocery store stress–the fluorescent lights, and I inevitably get the wonky grocery cart.  It also made me think of Mr. Al whom I met at the store last week.  I am thankful for that quiet voice within that told me to stop and be with…..if only for a few minutes.  Thank you, my pastorfriend, for enlightening us by sharing this with us last night.

It reminded me of a video I saw on a friend’s page a few weeks ago.  (I’m sorry, I can’t remember exactly who, but thank you!)   It is a different way of presenting a similar message, and it would be really hard to live like this every moment of every day.  However, I think the point is that while we can’t help everyone we can start with ONE.   And that it’s not all about us.  We just need to start opening our eyes and our hearts. Right?  If you see it differently, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I am due for an eye appointment and checkup.  I think I need new lenses–the better to see you…..with.