I Might Need a Nap

The shortest day of the year. 

This year has felt different. From October and the National Fair onward. Actually maybe even before that, there was a sense of something in the air. Suffice to say, even though Thanksgiving was almost as early as it can be this year, I am aghast at the thought that Christmas is four days away. 

To say that we have been busy is no excuse. I think everybody is busy in their own ways. We have had a lot of irons in the fire with rehearsals and performances, but the real reason our tree isn’t decorated is, as my Daddy would say, we “didn’t make the time.” There were times it could have happened, but it didn’t. My sweet girl got the tree out and set it up a few weeks ago because she was excited to get ready for Christmas. It just never worked out for all of us to be together and take out the ornaments and actually decorate it. 

In hindsight I think this year I’ve had a mental block about it. Our Princess (who is the one who gets us started on decorating) asked me a couple of weeks ago if it would be okay if we didn’t pull out all our ornaments from over the years this year, since time was getting away from us. I was more than okay with it and a little sad too. There is a heavy emotional load to pulling them out, remembering the story for each one, hanging them on the tree, putting the boxes away, and then pulling it all out to put the ornaments away again for another eleven months, wondering what life would be like when they are brought out again. There. I named it. Remembering helping Mama put her ornaments away for the last time in 2012, her speaking aloud the well wishes for the following year when we would pull them out again–that breaks me. No one could pull them out in 2013 without her. It was just too hard. 

And so the wonderful distractions of classes and productions and performing and all of those wonderful things allowed me not to face those emotions this year. Until this week. I’ve beaten myself up that I haven’t made sure this or that got done before now, mostly for the sake of my babies. It’s different in that respect too. They are older now. I’m going to be honest. Our elf, Christopher Popinkins (a gift from Mama years ago), showed up with Christmas pajamas for everyone, landed on the mantle, and hasn’t moved a lick since then. And no one has said a thing about it. I’m actually more grateful than sad about that to be honest. How many nights did I go to bed, get comfortable and warm, and then remember Christopher hadn’t popped to his next spot yet? Too many, friends, too many. 

Yesterday I needed to run an errand. Several in fact. Our bare tree has troubled me. I’ve thought about making ornaments, but that would require time and energy–both of which we are running short on. I’ve looked a little for some old ones on the online marketplaces–I’d prefer vintage, but I just felt sure I’d know them when I saw them. I still wasn’t sure we’d even put ornaments on the tree this year (with the exception of the beautiful, precious ones I’d been given as gifts recently), when, in between this Getting Place and that one, I felt the urge to pop into one of our favorite thrift shops which supports women who are working to get back on their feet. I didn’t know why I was going in there at first, as I wandered around looking. They were closing in fifteen minutes, so there really wasn’t time to dilly dally. I meandered through clothes, toys, books, and was headed around to the furniture area when I saw it…..a plastic “box” full of beautiful shatterproof ornaments in the richest of colors sitting off to the side by itself. Most were sparkly red, but a few were a shimmering green. Beautiful. The shatterproof was appealing because I’ve had bad luck with glass balls in the past (and with our feline friends, well…..). So I picked it up. So many ornaments. All beautiful. Price marked: $3.99. SOLD. 

I walked the circle around the store, pleased with my found treasure. I glanced at a few more items, but didn’t pick up another thing. I knew that I had found what I was supposed to find. 

And ya’ll, what a treasure! Our Princess loved them, and she loves that they were bought from our favorite thrift shop. I brought them in last night, and this afternoon she and I had that tree decorated in about fifteen minutes as opposed to the longer times it usually takes. We laughed and enjoyed noticing the difference of each one. There were even some that I guess you could call “icicle shape,” which tickled my sweet girl. She loved those the best. We finished it off with a red/white pom pom garland that we had used for one of the performances. When I tell you there was a sparkle in both of our eyes when we finished–oh what a gift!

Today on the shortest day, the darkest night, light triumphed. Gone was the trepidation of facing all those memories, which for whatever reason seems so hard this year. Gone was the guilt over not following tradition. We both were filled with joy as we stepped outside the box this year. Our tree is up and lovely, the stockings are hung, our nativity is out, and that’s it. And for this year, that is enough. 

So if you find yourself over the next few days panicking over things not done, I pray you will give yourself grace. It’s okay not to do it all. It’s okay not to want to do it all. It’s okay to light a candle and call it done. It’s okay to skip the candle too. I saw a post somewhere about how the first Christmas was simple, so it’s okay if yours is too. AMEN.

Tonight I wish for us all to find the peace and light and joy of the first Christmas when Love came to be with us. Whether that’s from decorating one corner of our homes to the other OR not decorating at all, may Love and Light find a place to rest in your heart and bring you comfort and joy. 

Love to all. Merry Christmas.